How long does it take a child to settle at nursery?

It varies. Many children settle within a few weeks; some take longer, especially after a holiday or illness. Talk to the key person if your child is still very upset after a month.

Do I have to pay for settling-in sessions?

Some nurseries include them, some charge for them and some count them as part of the first month. Ask before you book.

Should I sneak out so my child does not see me leave?

Usually not. A short, consistent goodbye tends to work better than slipping away, which can make children more anxious about being left.

Settling in at nursery

Almost every child finds the first weeks of nursery hard at some point, and that is normal. Settling-in sessions, a familiar key person and a predictable routine help most children through it.

How settling-in sessions work

Most nurseries ask new children to come for a few short settling-in sessions over one or two weeks before their first full day. A typical pattern is:

A first visit together. You stay with your child for an hour or so while they explore and meet their key person.
A short time apart. You leave for half an hour or an hour, staying nearby.
Longer sessions. A morning, then a morning with lunch, then a nap at nursery.
First full day.

Good nurseries adapt this to your child, adding sessions if needed. Ask how many they recommend, whether there is a charge, and whether you can do them close to your start date. Our when to apply planner puts settling in on your timeline.

Before the first day

Share what you know. Tell the key person about routines, comforters, favourite songs, words your child uses, what calms them and any worries.
Practise short separations with grandparents or friends, if you can.
Talk about nursery in simple, positive terms: who they will see and what they will do.
Label everything and pack spare clothes, especially for toddlers.
Plan the first weeks of work with some flexibility if you can, in case you need to collect early.

The goodbye

A clear, short, consistent goodbye usually works best: a hug, the same few words, then go. Tell your child you will come back, and when (“after your nap”, “after tea”). Lingering or returning several times can make it harder. Slipping out unseen can unsettle children because they cannot predict when you might disappear.

Most children who cry at drop-off calm down quickly once you have gone. Ask the nursery to message you, or call after half an hour if that helps you.

The first few weeks

Expect some ups and downs:

Tiredness. Nursery is busy. Earlier bedtimes help.
Illness. Children often catch more colds and bugs in their first months, which can interrupt settling.
A delayed reaction. Some children are fine for a week or two, then become upset once the novelty wears off.
Changes at home, such as clinginess or disrupted sleep. These usually pass.

Keep the days as consistent as you can. Children settle faster when they come on the same days each week and see the same staff.

Talking to the nursery

Ask the key person how your child is spending the day: who they play with, what they eat, how they sleep. Most nurseries send updates through an app. If your child is still very distressed after several weeks, or you are worried about anything, ask for a proper conversation. A good nursery will want to work with you on a plan.

Babies, toddlers and older children

Babies under about 8 months often settle quickly with a consistent carer. Children around 9 to 18 months may find separation hardest, because this is when strong attachments form. Older children may be excited but tired. Our guides on starting at 9 months, 1-year-olds and 2-year-olds cover what to expect at each age.

If you are worried about your child’s health or development, talk to your health visitor or GP.